Negative Signs

When you grow up and think about your life plans, you always envision how life is going to be… for me I thought that I was going to get married young (check), go to school young (sort of check) and have children young, and by the time I was 30 I would have at least a few children and would be happily living life as a mother and have an established family.

Chance and I have been married for over 11 years, and looking back I would have never imagined that I would have any issues having kids. After the first couple of years of not having any children you really just start seeing everyone who is pregnant, and wondering…..”Why not me?” I admit it was upsetting, I’m sure it stemmed from jealousy. You would see people on the news treating their children terrible and ask yourself and ask God, “Why do people who don’t even want children have them?” I started making it personal, thinking I wasn’t good enough to be a mother but so many other people were. A lot of my depression and anxiety started here. I tried to not talk about it, I tried to act like it didn’t bother me, but for the first 5-6 years it did, especially when you had so many people asking when you are going to have children and why we don’t have kids yet, etc. or people joking about being pregnant. It’s not their fault, I understand that most of the times that’s the way it goes. You get married; you have children & start a family.

We both went to the doctors and got checked out, and medically we were fine. We should be able to have children. I know there are many options to having kids alternatively, but for us, especially back then, financially it wasn’t an option, I’ve even had people tell me that if you can’t afford to adopt, or consider IVF or other fertility treatments, that you shouldn’t even think about having children, which made me start feeling even worse about myself because I started thinking about the possibility of being pregnant and then not being able to financially support kids. So I started thinking, “Is this why I can’t have kids, because God knows I can’t handle it?”

I started thinking that losing weight would be better than nothing and could possibly be what is causing us from having kids. So I started changing things in May of 2014, and I ended up losing 70 lbs. within a year and a half or so, which helped me feel a little better. Plexus found me in November of 2015 and once I started taking those supplements my health felt SO much better and I knew these products were something I was going to continue with because of how good it made me feel, and knowing I was healing my body with plants was definitely a perk. I started researching more about Plexus and started seeing there were a lot of gut health issues linked to infertility, among so many other things. I started reading success stories of people with infertility issues getting pregnant after a few months of taking Plexus, and that was exciting to me… but after years of seeing the negative sign, you never truly think it is possible. There is something amazing knowing that Plexus has helped others with so many issues, including infertility and even if these products aren’t helping me get pregnant right now, they are still helping me with so many other issues, including the LONG battle with depression.

Here I am, 32 years old, Not pregnant yet, still thankful with how Plexus has been healing me from the inside out, and genuinely happy when I see people announce their pregnancies, anger and jealousy doesn’t come into my heart anymore—and for that I am very thankful. I love my nieces and my nephew; I love children. I used to think that maybe I am not supposed to have children. I must admit that having kids now would change our lives—everything we do now would be different. I’m ok with that, but now after being lent a book from a good friend, called, “We’re Pregnant : How to Receive God’s Cure for Infertility” by Dianne Leman, I have faith that it IS going to happen, and that God does want me to be a mother.  Instead of settling on a lie, saying I will never be a mother, I am thanking God for his promises and knowing that God is still in control….and it is well with my soul.

 


 

 

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3 Comments on “Negative Signs

  1. We should talk more. Some of the things you said are things I think & feel all the time I just don’t talk to people about it. Your not alone. It’s only been 2 years for us but it still not easy.

    Like

    • Absolutely! It’s tough, and sometimes people that haven’t gone through the same thing don’t understand. I’m here for ya!

      Like

  2. Pingback: Give Thanks, Even When It’s Hard {November 8th} – Someday I'll Have Chickens

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