Do you know?

3-24-2020
It’s been a bit since I have updated my blog.  A lot has happened, and a lot is happening right now in the world and let me first start this  by saying writing really helps me release what I am feeling, when sometimes I can’t speak it out in person, so as always… this is my heart, and this is the true, real, raw, ME! Hopefully those who are reading know me and already know this.

Up until a little over a week ago I thought that leaving my network marketing business after 4 1/2 years was a huge thing, but due to recent events…. It’s just another moment in time, and I’ll save my new adventure for another time, because right now in this moment I have a more pressing message on my heart.

Covid-19! The novel Coronavirus…..I feel like I’m in a dream(only this is REAL LIFE), where there is mass hysteria, and panic all around me, but I am calm and at peace because I know Who I belong to, and I know Who wins in the end. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments of doubt when I let the enemy creep in and tell me lies…. but If I notice it happening I quickly rebuke that thought and claim Jesus’ promises for me. This message isn’t to condemn anyone, because Jesus knows how much I need His grace and mercy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. But instead I hope this is an “awakening” for those of you who may not know the Jesus I speak of, and I want to share Him and His unshakable love for YOU! Or maybe you do know Jesus but you have walked away and want to return to Him.  He is waiting with open arms for YOU, and every sin you have done and will do is WASHED AWAY! You just have to accept Him and invite Him into your heart.

The last couple of years have been pretty enlightening to me, my faith has grown so much.  It has also been one of the hardest times in my life, but I have been feeling the love and peace of Jesus through it all. I am saying all of this because I don’t want you to think that the moment you become a christian you are going to have smooth sailing the rest of your life, but it should bring you peace to know that whatever may happen Jesus is with you and you do not have to do anything alone.  Losing my babies was SO HARD. But the peace that came through it all was a feeling I don’t want to ever forget. Thank you, Jesus. AND- I do believe that God takes what the enemy made for evil, and turns it to good! NOTHING is wasted, Amen.

April 7th
I have been trying to write this in my head for the last 3 weeks, but I keep getting distracted.  This IS a pressing matter, but my time has been consumed with other things both voluntary and involuntary, and frankly I didn’t know how to exactly portray what I feel God has given me.  So here I am at 4:39 am on 4/7/2020 finally finishing what I know needs to be said.

I feel like as humans we lie to ourselves  (at least I know I do) and say that we have SO much time left to do the things we need to do that will put us at our “end goal”.  What’s an end goal by the way? I’m not even quite sure I know the answer for myself, but I know that if I try to do it the carnal way it is not fulfilling to my soul.    We wake up, nourish our bodies with food and water, go to work to make money and come home and do it ALL over again, and spend more time with your work family than your family that you have to raise and take care of.  — That’s for another time because I could keep going on.
Do we have the time to do the things we think are important?  I’m not meaning getting our hair or nails done, but really digging down deep and doing the things that our soul is craving?  Let me ask you this question.

What if you died today? Would you know where you would go? Have you thought about it?  Does it scare you? Would that change your mind on what things are important if you knew the moment you would die?

This question used to scare me, and I felt like if I ignored it would just go away… but that isn’t happening. Death is inevitable for all of us and that is one thing I hope we all can agree on.  It wasn’t until I accepted Jesus into my heart that I knew without a doubt that He was preparing me a place in Heaven.
John 14:2 NLT
There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?

 

Please read through these scriptures on what the word says about our salvation:

Romans 3:23 NLT
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Romans 6:23 NLT
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 NLT
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

1 Peter 3:18 NLT
Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 15:3-6 NLT
I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said. He was seen by Peter and then by the Twelve. After that, he was seen by more than 500 of his followers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have died.

John 14:6 NLT
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.

John 1:12 NLT
But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NLT
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

Revelation 3:20 NLT
“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

Would you like to be a child of God? Would you like to get this free gift of eternal life by simply telling Jesus that you love Him and accept Him into your heart?  Would it bring you peace to know that you ARE going to Heaven when you die? It’s not rocket science– It is simplicity, and it is LOVE… and He is waiting for you with open arms.

If you would like to make Jesus the Lord of your life please pray this prayer with me: 

Lord Jesus, I believe in You.  I no longer want to live my life without You in it.  I know that I am a sinner and I cannot save myself, and I know that through You is the only way to be saved.  When I hear You knocking, I will answer. By faith I receive You and Your gift of salvation, and I trust you as my Lord & Savior. I believe as the scriptures say, that You died on a cruel cross for my sins, and were buried and rose again on the third day.  Thank You for taking my sins upon that cross and thank You for washing them away. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and I will spend the rest of my days living for You. In Jesus’ matchless and mighty name. Amen.

CONGRATULATIONS!! If you just prayed that for the first time I want to congratulate you on receiving the gift of everlasting life.  If this was a prayer of re-dedication I want to congratulate you as well! Please e-mail me at whitrene@gmail.com, or message me and I would love to pray with you or get you in touch with others that may be able to pray with you and give you more resources on what you can do next.

My prayer for you is that you will feel the peace and love of Jesus, and He will guide you and you will be able to hear Him and all He wants for you.
Be blessed.
-W

 

*********************************
*Scripture references were given by my Pastor, Tom Stone of Horton, KS.
* The scriptures were copied from bible.com, New Living translation.  Check out the app- I don’t get        paid for sharing, I just LOVE the bible app and all of the reading plans.
*I do not claim to be a writer, so bear with me on grammatical errors. 🙂

Season of Change!

The other day I started getting frustrated with myself and where I was with my body, and what I haven’t done in a while.  That’s when a good friend told me that I need to give myself grace, my body has been through a lot this past year.  That really opened my eyes. Yes, my body, mind, emotions, EVERYTHING has been through so much this last year, and I honestly probably wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t let God carry me.

My world was turned upside down last September when I  found out I was finally pregnant with twins and ended in a miscarriage and getting life flighted by emergency helicopter the end of November. I feel like I have been in a new season of my life since then, and it’s not about how I look, though I do believe you need to eat healthy and exercise to fully be able to enjoy and do life. I believe this season is for growth and knowledge and to get closer to my HEALER, COMFORTER & SAVIOR.

When I was in the ER the last time ( I was in 3 times over the month of November, and the last being where they flew me out. ) my husband was freaking out, I won’t sugar coat it, he was scared, nervous, anxious and all the feels. He not only lost his first 2 children that were wanted for years, but he also thought he was about to lose his wife too.   I could feel it, and I was the one trying to calm him down because I had such peace.  God gave me peace through the entire thing, this peace that I cannot even explain.  Sure there are moments when I am sad and start thinking, “Why Me?”  Those waves thankfully don’t last for long, and I quickly adjust my way of thinking to be in the present.

What I do know is that God takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it to good, so I am rejoicing and praising Him even in this unfamiliar season. These past 4 months or so have been pretty amazing for my faith.  God is so good and He is always with us.  I want to remember to Praise God in the GOOD and the BAD, not just when things are convenient and going my way!

I believe this season is also to LET GO of things.  God has been removing things, people, circumstances, lots of stuff from my life both seen and unseen, and though it hurts some it is still GOOD.  I just listened to a sermon about letting go, so you can grow… and boy did that bless me and I accept that! That makes me wonder how many of us have been holding on to things so much that we are stagnant in life, maybe you need to let go, trust God and GROW!

I know God has big plans for me and instead of trying to get Him to tell me my entire life so I know what He has in store, I am TRUSTING that He will show me steps as I need to know them.

I pray this blesses someone today. ❤

 

{Loving Me in 2019}- I’m Here!

Loving Me in 2019. Join me each month in 2019 as I indulge in a new-to-me life experience with the goal of self improvement and self care.
For more information on this series {Loving Me in 2019} Introduction


 

Wow, these past 6-8 months have been a whirlwind of emotions! It. Has. Been. TOUGH! But also amazing, great, sad, empowering, and just plain blah.

As most of you know I started 2019 with wanting to do a self care & self love journey each month and blog about it. Well it was great the first month, and then I didn’t proceed with the blogging, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t practicing self care. My self care, in a way, was to not worry myself with the deadlines I put on myself, and let things be…. along with many other things I practiced for self care.

The “no babies” blues 😦

I want to start this off by mentioning the bad things first, because I want to end on a positive note. Postpartum Depression is terrible. I didn’t know I would get it after miscarrying my twins. I didn’t even know it was even possible to get postpartum without actually having a baby to full term. It still comes in waves, but I am thankfully getting more and more longer periods of happy days, and that is a plus. I am thankful for my faith, family, friends, and Plexus supplements that have truly helped me on this journey that unfortunately has been rough on me.

Will the terrifying thoughts go away?

I’m going to be completely open with you guys and tell you that thinking of being pregnant or having a baby right now is absolutely terrifying. It is upsetting to think of the thing I wanted so much, has now flipped and it is the thing I want the least right now, and not because I don’t want children, but because I feel all the emotions again, the happiness, and the pain, horror, and numbness. I do know that I will heal with time, and if I were to get pregnant I would be fine, but just in this moment right now, it is hard for me to not be nervous.

Actually WORKING my business!

In February I remember praying and asking God to help direct and guide me in what steps I need to take for my network marketing business, and thanked Him for what He was already preparing for me. Boy did He guide me. My business has been blessed, and the people in it are a blessing to me, and I am so thankful for His guidance.

– I’ve invested in myself and have taken some amazing training from a well known coach.
– I’ve had a mindset change, and KNOW this is what I am supposed to be doing, and I am NOT sorry for it.
– I pray daily thanking God for sending me people that need these products, and/or the business.
-I WORK my business. No one can expect to get their business or anything they do blessed if they do not work at it. Bible verses for reference:

The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. Deuteronomy 28:12 NIV

Then the LORD your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 30:9-10 NIV

One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys. Proverbs 18:9 NIV

In July we had our convention for my company in Las Vegas. It was amazing and the leadership we have in our company and the training is top notch, so I was very thankful to be able to experience this for third time. While there they announced the date and the location of our next convention and at that moment I started to tear up. I was tearing up because I know that God had laid on my heart a vision of where I will be with this company during the 2020 convention in Nashville, and it was overwhelming. God is amazing and He truly loves us.

What’s next?

I feel a big shift is about to come, in my spiritual, personal and professional life. I am not sure how to describe it other than I feel things will be different. I’m going to proclaim that it is going to be good, and good for me, because God is for me, not against me. Things may be hard, and it may be difficult for me to understand what is happening, but I know that eventually things will be ok.

I’d like to say I have my life planned out, and I know what will happen tomorrow, or in 5 months. I clearly don’t. I am trying to learn to let go and see what happens. Don’t get me wrong… I am not just sitting around doing nothing, but just to let go of the things I can’t control and move forward. After all… We aren’t going back , so why not surrender the past, and be in the present, and move forward!


Please join me in my journey for self care by following and doing your own self care/ self love routine.  Use the hashtag #lovingmein19.  Can’t wait to see your posts as we go through 2019 together. ❤ ❤ 

{Loving Me in 2019} Let’s Float

Loving Me in 2019. Join me each month in 2019 as I indulge in a new-to-me life experience with the goal of self improvement and self care.
For more information on this series {Loving Me in 2019} Introduction


A couple of years  ago I heard about this thing called floating, my first thought was kayaking or canoeing on a river.  I then found out I was completely wrong, and it was a sensory deprivation tank and I found a local-to-me business named Midwest Float,in Topeka, KS. They were advertising what almost looked like someone floating in a hot tub.  This piqued my interest as I love hot tubs and the very thought of them makes me feel relaxed.

So for my January #lovingmein19 new self care experience, I chose to Float.  Here are some details of what floating is, benefits, how to get started, and my own personal opinion.  
*Some Information and pictures were taken directly off of the www.midwestfloat.com website.  

So what is floating?

“Our tanks use 850lbs of Epsom salt. This, combined with the absence of all external stimuli creates a relaxing escape from daily stressors.

Floating naturally increases your dopamine and endorphin levels, boosting your mood and leaving you with a pleasant afterglow that lasts for days afterwards.

The water is kept at 93.5 degrees. This is skin-receptor neutral, which means you lose track of where your body ends and the water begins.

Without the need to fight gravity or take-in external information, you’ll likely experience the most complete relaxation you’ve ever felt.

Your ears stay just below the water, and the tanks are insulated against sound. Noise from the outside doesn’t reach you.

The salty goodness of our tanks allows your muscles to truly relax as you float on your back,effortlessly buoyant; similar floating in the Dead Sea.”

What are the Benefits?

“Zero-Gravity
The tanks are not completely zero-gravity (as in outer space). But, they create a near zero-gravity state, which allows our bodies to rest and heal. This state will place your mind in a unique environment, which supports the creation of new neural networks and unique processes.”

“Restricted Environmental Stimulus
When we float, we are able to regulate the number of environmental stimuli that are received through our senses. This allows a space for our mind, body, and soul to rest, relax, and rejuvenate.”

“Epsom Salt (Magnesium Sulfate)
Magnesium is reported to provide better sleep, relax the nervous system, support the growth and maintenance of muscles, increase muscle flexibility, support the integrity and strength of bones, re-mineralize our teeth, alkalize the body, hydrate the body, provide relief to our digestive system, and support enzyme function. Sulfates are found in every cell within the human body and play a role in the production of collagen, detoxifying the body, supporting the digestive system, pancreas function and the secretion of digestive enzymes, as well as having antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral properties.”

How to get started?

floating-guide
image from http://www.midwestfloat.com

My Thoughts

Can I put an image of mind blown right here?  This was an amazing experience for me, and one that I will continue. I can’t wait to see what the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th float bring to the table. I feel it will be an even better experience because I know now what to expect and can fully let go.

When we, Chance and I,  first got to Midwest float we were greeted by Chelsea, a very friendly and informative staff member.  She helped my husband fill out his waiver, as I did mine online.   The front office was a nice, quaint, serene area with the biggest salt lamp I have ever seen. I would love one for my yoga studio! 

img_8153

We were then taken back to where their two foat rooms were.  We had the option of a float pod or float cabin.  Chelsea explained the process to us in great detail, and that was very helpful since this was our first time.  She explained that we would need to shower before and after.  Before so we can get all the excess oils off of our skin to help keep the tanks clean, even though they are highly sanitary by the filtration.  We would need to shower when we got out to wash all the salt off of us, and to use conditioner in our hair, all of which they provide!

img_8216
Pod
img_8174
Cabin

I chose the cabin, and Chance got into the pod.  The cabin is roughly the size of a king size bed, and the pod is approximately the size of a full size bed.

They provide robes, shower flip flops, towels, makeup remover cloths, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, ear plugs, ear wash, and even some petroleum jelly to put on any sores or cuts you may have so the salt wouldn’t get in and sting.  So it is probably a good idea not to shave, or wax right before you do a float. Really all you need to do is just take yourself there and they have everything you need! It is nice to not have to bring anything. They even have a hair dryer for your use in the bathroom!  Brilliant!

What Chance has on in his “before” picture is called a float halo.  When you are floating you can use this behind your head if you want a little more neck support.  I used it for a while and then decided I liked it without, so ended up just letting it float with me the rest of the time. 

One of my first questions were, “do I wear a swimming suit?”  But seeing that you are in a completely private room with a door lock, and inside a pod or cabin, there is no need to wear a swimming suit, plus who would want to clean all of that salt out of the suit anyway??  So get nakey, and enjoy!!!

When I first stepped into the tank I noticed it was not as deep as I thought it would be, I was thinking it should be more like a hot tub, and I would be able to fully submerge while sitting, but this was only 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep.  When you first sit down you will notice that its almost a task to even sit so you touch the bottom of the tank, because the water is so buoyant.  There is somewhere close to 850 lbs of epsom salt in these tanks, and that will make you float! Which is also good if you fall asleep in the tank because you would not drown, because you will not sink!

I also noticed the immediate feel of my skin, it was so soft from all of the salt, or how Chance described it as “slimy”, but I think it felt amazing.

You have complete control of your surroundings when you are in there, so if you want to keep the lights on you can, and if you want to keep the nice zen music they play you can do that too.  You can also open the cabin door, or pod lid at any time, so you are not locked in.  They control the time limit while you are in the tank, because you can very easily lose track of time.  They start the float with a automated voice coming over the tank explaining what to do, and then the music starts.  I thought the music was going to shut off by itself so I let it go probably half way through my float, but did shut the light off so it was a small task to feel around for the button to shut the music off.  The cabin is so big you can float completely in a circle and not know exactly where the door is even at, so you will need to touch the side of the wall and follow it around.  Which freaked me out for maybe a couple of seconds, but then realized that I was in complete control.

The water temperature is the same as body temperature so the idea is that you don’t know where the water starts and your body begins, so you are almost suspended in near zero gravity floating.   At first I noticed the water, but after being in a while I just felt like I was floating.

I chose to keep the lights off the entire time, because I loved the idea of not being influenced by any surroundings.  It was dark.  Do you know how after a long time looking into the dark, you start thinking you can see light, and your eyes are adjusting?  Well for me I could see what appeared to be stars, like I was just looking into the dark sky and seeing stars in the distance.  It was a nice, and calming feeling.   I even had to wave my hand in front of my face to see if I could see any movement, and I couldn’t, so I knew I was in complete darkness.

I was so excited to be there, to be floating, that I didn’t fully let my mind shut down at first and just focus on floating, and breathing.  The longer I floated the more relaxed I got.  This is why I am excited for future floats, I know I will get deeper into relaxation.

The 60 minute float went by fairly quickly, but I enjoyed every minute of it,  even the 2 seconds of fright when I didn’t know which way I was or where the door was.  I didn’t have any magnificent things come to me while floating, but just taking in the entire experience was magnificent enough.  I can not wait for more so I can draw out my creativity.

When your time is up the lights turn on, and the automated voice comes on again telling you that the water filtration system will start up momentarily, so you can exit the pod or cabin.  Chelsea mentioned that if you are asleep and the lights and/ or talking doesn’t wake you up, the jets will, so no need to panic there.  You get out, taking your time because you were just floating for a while and you want to slowly come back into awareness.  Take a shower, get dressed, and go blow dry your hair if needed.

They have a chalkboard wall called, “Words from the Void”, where you can use their chalk markers and write down something encouraging you learned while in your float, or just words of wisdom.  I thought that was a very unique and awesome experience to see all of the different words from past floaters.

 

When returning to the lobby you can have yourself a nice cup of tea, and talk with the staff to let them know how you liked your experience.

So do I recommend floating?  Ummm yes!
img_8186

If you are in the Topeka, KS area get in touch with these lovely folks  and not only will you find some relaxation, you will be able to chat with the owner, Casey, and the awesome staff.  They are down-to-earth and you can tell they really love their profession. www.midwestfloat.com
If you have a float facility someplace in your area and you are not local to Topeka, just go.   Don’t even think twice….. Just go. 🙂

img_8192


Please join me in my journey for self care by following and doing your own self care/ self love routine.  Use the hashtag #lovingmein19.  Can’t wait to see your posts as we go through 2019 together. ❤ ❤ 

Health Journey of a Plus Sized Yogi

I feel like I need to start off by telling you the beginning stages of my health journey, in order for you to understand where I am at now.

In May of 2014 I started a journey.  I was at my heaviest weight, and my sister and I planned a Chicago weekend trip with our mother and her mother in law for Mother’s Day.  I had never been to Chicago before, nor did I know what to expect. For one, it was AMAZING, everybody was so nice and I just loved the experience of seeing the skyscrapers, the river, the lake, and even trying out the amazing Chicago deep dish pizza, and of course the the hot dog vendors in the park.  Secondly, we had to walk EVERYWHERE! When you are overweight it can be a struggle to walk very far, and I had just turned 28 a couple weeks prior to this trip, so to me this was a huge wake up call. I was miserable. I wasn’t prepared, and let’s not even talk about that major chafing happening when your legs rub together from walking all day. PAINFUL, it almost took away from the experience of traveling and going to a new place.

When I got back from the trip I was determined to lose weight.  DETERMINED. So I started walking and doing some yoga through YouTube.  I decided that I wanted it off, and fast, so I decided to go to the doctor too and get on some prescription weight loss medication.  I have an impatient personality, and I am trying to work on it, but I wanted to lose weight, and I would do anything to get to that goal, and FAST!  I had been on this medication before, and it worked in the past, and I just assumed I gained the weight back after I was off of it because I didn’t work out. So I knew this time I was going to try harder, and stick with it.  Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong. I was on and off this medication for a year, and I believe this medicine was my weakness, I felt like if I just take this magic pill I wouldn’t have to do anything else to lose weight, besides walk.  I could still eat terrible, it just made me full faster, or not even hungry. Fast forward a year- I lost weight, I was still walking, still doing yoga and enjoying that, but my side effects from the medication were pretty scary once I actually started paying attention to them.  I was having heart palpitations, though my blood pressure remained fine and was being monitored by the doctor every month. I had mood swings like crazy, depression was at an all time high,though yoga seemed to help a bit for a short amount of time, and constipation like no other. Y’all don’t realize for me to talking about that, it must have been pretty serious.  So for that entire year even though I was losing weight, and exercising, I was even more miserable than before. I was in pain, and was having some very dark thoughts. I don’t know what brought any of them on, or where they came from, but it was terrifying. When these “freak outs” started, I couldn’t stop them. I was mean, hateful, and just plain rude. I didn’t like who I was becoming.

It was time for me to get off the pills, and start doing the same thing minus them.  Nothing really seemed to keep the weight off, or make me feel good inside,except for the blips of yoga I would do,  because I was still battling this depression, and when you have negative self talk it can ruin any part of happiness in your life. November 2015 was the month I decided to give into the many messages I had received from my friend, annoying me, and give this “Pink Drink” a shot. I saw a pretty fast change in my friend Marianna, and I knew I had to at least try it.  The first month I lost some weight right off the bat, and I was floored because all I did was drink my Pink Drink and exercised just a little bit. I needed to know what this company was all about, so I did some research on Plexus. What I thought was a weight loss company, was actually a whole health company that had products that had helped so many people with pain management, weight loss, energy, blood sugar stabilization, etc…  My thoughts started changing about the quick fix, “impatient” mindset that I had (I still do in some areas) for so long. So I started taking the Triplex system in January of 2016. Immediately I noticed changes in how I slept, and how I was going to the bathroom and most of all I knew that I had found something to help my mood swings, I was happy, I was living again, and I haven’t had nearly as bad of “dark moments”, nowhere near what they were like. I knew this was what I needed to continue to do to get my gut healthy and to eventually have whole body health. In August of 2016 I was able to get off of my anxiety and depression medication.  That was a HUGE WIN for me, If you would have asked me a year prior I never would have thought that getting my gut health under control would help this, I would have told you that you were wrong.

I started gaining confidence in my life, in my health, just in me in general.  I had always been so negative towards myself that I never really sat down and thought about what I could do, there were no limitations. So I started a bucket list.  One of the items at the top of my bucket list was to become a Yoga Instructor when I lost more weight, so that people would trust me. *WRONG THINKING, WHITNEY* Little did I know that I would actually set out and accomplish this goal within a couple of years of putting this in my bucket list.  
I am all about getting feedback, and support, so I used my Facebook and Instagram accounts as an outlet for my health journey, and yoga, and I had so much support from friends and family.  I am truly thankful, because on days when the negativity would try to rear its ugly head, I would think about all the people that were rooting for me.
My aunt had been liking my posts, and encouraging me, and at our 2016 Thanksgiving dinner she mentioned to me that she had an opening in her Yoga Teacher Training that coming January.  I immediately was like no way, that’s way too early, I am still “fat”, people would laugh at me, I am not good enough for that…. Though deep down inside I had this shimmer of hope, wondering, “what if?”
During this time I was also in my last year of school, to get my Graphic Design Bachelor’s Degree, so not only was it terrible timing, but I just couldn’t go to 2 schools, could I?

I kept thinking about Yoga Teacher Training, and wondering what would happen if I just decided to do it.  I wasn’t used to actually doing something I had wanted inside my heart. January rolled around and I was enrolled in Yoga Teacher Training, scared, defeated before I had even set my foot in the mansion.  Yes, my Yoga Teacher Training was in a Historic Mansion in Atchison, KS. ❤ ❤ ❤

The first weekend was here, I had forgotten to order my books, so I already had a negative feeling building up, and our first night was a get to know each other, discussion night, and my teacher asked me why I was doing this training.  I immediately started crying, and saying I was here because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this, and that even though I am plus size, I am capable, and it does not define me. I honestly don’t even know why I cried, I just was scared of what my kula ( new yoga classmates) would think of me.  I looked different than all of them, and I had never taken a yoga class other than YouTube. Talk about a fake, huh? That next day we did our first vinyasa flow. Oh. My. Goodness. Talk about a shock when you are used to a basic stretching class through YouTube. Just ask my husband what happened next. I called him at lunch, I WAS QUITTING.  There is no way I could do this. It just wasn’t for me, I am not good enough, or strong enough for this. I am a fake.. But somehow I managed through the first weekend.

The second weekend rolled around, still had doubts, but decided to push through, same thing..called my husband, I was quitting.Third weekend, It was getting a little better, I was trying out different styles of yoga, and we were required to take at least 2 classes a week outside of YTT, so that started getting me more familiar with yoga.  By the 5th week I was defeated again, I wrote a “I am quitting” letter, told my aunt (She was the assistant teacher) that it just wasn’t for me. I am not going to be a good teacher, so I shouldn’t waste my time…. But I pushed through again.

YTT was from January 2017-December 2017, one weekend a month, with a one month break in August, so by the time August rolled around I was thankful for the break, to get some clarity.  Not knowing what I know now, I thought the discouragement what I felt the entire time was my body telling me to quit, but it was actually a self journey I was going on, to learn how to love myself in the present, love myself for any flaws I may think I have.

Things ended up getting a little easier for me after my break. It might have been knowing that in the very near future I would be graduated from college and have more time to focus.  My mindset change shifted tremendously when we started learning more about restorative yoga, and we started doing more of those classes. I knew this is what I wanted to teach, and what I wanted to share with others. There is something about being able to get people to relax, and to calm them down after a busy day, week, month, etc.  It just makes my heart happy to see the release of tension in their bodies.

I graduated with my bachelors in graphic design in September 2017, so that gave me the last few months of yoga school to really concentrate on yoga, and what my heart needed. My confidence was raising though fears were still lingering in the background.  In November of 2017 I started teaching classes on my own, in my own studio……. Remember, this is the girl who said she was quitting for the first 6-7 months of yoga school.

I graduated yoga school in December and became registered with the Yoga Alliance.  I have been teaching yoga ever since, focusing mainly on restorative or yin yoga. I still struggle sometimes with image, but try not to let it overtake me. I have had more people say they are glad I am not perfect, it shows them they can do this too and that I have inspired them.

I am a true believer that things come into your life when you need them, and they are there for either a lesson, or a blessing. If I never would have went to Chicago with my family, and had the horrific journey on a weight loss medication, I would have never found Plexus and I wouldn’t have got confidence to apply for Yoga Teacher Training, and I would not be a yoga teacher today and be learning to love myself more everyday.

Yoga is for EVERY. BODY.  I am proof of that right here.  If you’re ever in my area feel free to stop in to one of my yoga classes and restore your mind with some nice calming yoga.  

{Loving Me in 2019} Introduction

I started writing a post on December 24th, a month after I almost died due to complications to my twin miscarriage, but it was taking nearly everything in me to finish it, so I took that as a sign as I didn’t need to finish it. So instead I am going to keep it as a draft, and I decided to start over, start fresh, and make a brief statement about it and move on. Hurts my heart to replay the incidents, but I know many of you had questions and were curious to what had happened.

Backstory>>>  Here is a link to my post about difficulties with me getting pregnant, and here is the post of when we became pregnant, and found out we were miscarrying.  

November 8th the doctor had confirmed I was miscarrying my twins. November 14th I passed the first gestational sac at home and was in so much pain ended up walking into the ER and stayed there for 5 hours. November 20th I started bleeding a tremendous amount and passed out at home and the ambulance came and took me to the ER, I thought I had passed the second gestational sac in the hospital… I thought it was over.
On Nov. 23rd around 10:30 pm, I started bleeding again. It was constant bleeding, and I was losing a lot of blood, a lot more than the previous ER visit. I couldn’t stand up without blood gushing down to my feet in seconds. I went to the ER again, by ambulance and ended up getting airlifted to a major hospital and having an emergency D&C surgery, and staying in ICU for 8 hours, and then transferring to the surgical care unit for another 3 days. I was released with a low hemoglobin on Nov. 27th, and have been healing ever since and getting stronger every day.

I lost the entire month of November. I lost both of my babies, and was going through the motions and trying to survive. I then decided that it’s time to take more time for me, and more time to show myself love. So I have made a promise to myself that every single month in 2019 I am going to show myself some self care, and I am going to try something new and share my experiences with it here. I am going to title this blog series Loving Me in 2019.

So every month I will upload a new blog post on a new to me, self care experience, and tell you what I liked or didn’t like about it. Maybe this will help you decide to take the plunge and love yourself more, or maybe you will just be aware of different self care options there is out there for you. There are no rules in this challenge that I am doing for myself, other than to do something that I haven’t done before, that will make me happy, or improve my health, mind, creativity, etc… Feel free to do this challenge with me, take pics along your way and hashtag #lovingmein19 so I can look through all the pictures and follow your self care journey.

Looking forward to this challenge, and hope you are too. ❤

Give Thanks {November 19th}

Today I am thankful for my ability to bake.

Baking brings happiness to my soul, and I absolutely love it.

Scones were on my mind for the past few weeks, so tonight my momma and I made it happen.

%d bloggers like this: